Opportestiny
My 16 Careers • Reinventing Identities as a Success Coach (Part 12/16)
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Breadcrumb Trail
This is by far one of my most favorite breadcrumb trail heads. And it's also the one people ask me most frequently in the form of, "How did you find coaching." I didn't, it found me.
It all started with: I got stood up on a date for the first... and last time. I declared a decisive, "Oh, hell no!" for all of womankind. Then I took myself on the best date ever. So I looked up fun activities and the annual wellness show happen to be on that week. I also happen to be downtown right by the convention center, where show took place.
So I bought myself a ticket, gleefully expecting to go home with a bag full of soaps, salts, and yummy samples. (I so did not expect was to have my soul unraveled in a way I couldn't put back together. More on that in another series.)
At the convention center, of all the dozens upon dozens of doors I could have walked through, and the hundreds upon hundreds of booths I could have visited, the very first one I passed by was CTI's booth (Co-active Training Institute, what would become my future coach training school).
A CTI program adviser jumped out at me, literally, and offered a "laser" session. I wondered silently, "You mean, like laser for my legs or my eyebrows?" She added, "We have certified coaches here who are offering laser coaching sessions."
Until this point in my life, I had never ever heard the word coaching. I knew of the word "coach" in an Olympic, athletic context, but that's it. So I sat down for 15 minutes. Didn't notice or feel anything in particular. I put my name in their glass fish bowl for a prize draw. And carried on.
I had zero, absolute zero clue that my life, not just my career, had forever been changed. Until this day, I wonder what it would have been like, in that very moment, to know, to be aware of this almighty course correction. Was there a sign? Maybe I didn't perceive the sign? Maybe there was no sign. Would I have felt something? Heard something? Might time have stood still for one second? I wonder...
A few days later, that same program adviser called to say that I won the CTI book. Until that day, in my early 30s, I had never won a single thing in my life. I have EARNED things, like mofo earned them through blood, sweat and tears, and/or grace, magic and serendipity. But never had I ever won anything out of dumb luck.
This awareness rattled me to my core. It shouldn't have. It was just a $15 book. But it did.
Retrospective Awe
So you see, I didn't find my way to coaching. It found its way to me. I met the program advisor for coffee. As I casually shared about my last 2 careers, holding back knowing that it often overwhelms people into a state of shock to hear about all 12 re-inventions, she replied, "Oh, so you are coach like."
I remember thinking, "No. I'm not. What is this woo-woo mumbo jumbo you speak of?" Lol! But I also remember not dismissing it, not resisting her words, and definitely not fighting that professional hat.
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She offered a discount to CTI's Fundamentals coach training course, with a full money-back guarantee. I was thrust, or trust myself, into leadership roles since I was a teenager, so personal growth was a familiar arena for me.
I was still flabbergasted by, "I can't believe I won a random draw... That has never happened before." The course wasn't expensive, I had the time, and I was always wide open to making new friends and belonging to new communities. So I signed up.
After that weekend course, I knew I had found a very special tribe. For the first time in my life, I felt seen for who I am, not for what I've achieved or what I could provide you.
Normally, coach trainees complete 5 courses in a row, one a month over 5 months. I completed the first Fundamentals course. Then someone in my life died. So I could only complete the 2nd course 4 months later. Then someone else in my life died. So I could only complete the 3rd course another 3 months later.
There was so much death and dying around me that I could only complete the 4th course 5 months later. There was such a bond and kinship with each training cohort, but I was constantly the "new kid." I was used to it by then since I had changed schools 6 times in my first 9 years of school.
This time, before anyone or anything could die on me, I signed up for the very next 5th course, hell be damned!
At the time, other than a constant inquiry of, "What is up, Universe, what's with all this death and dying?" I had no idea what was going on. Only in retrospect can I see that the Universe was demolishing all the beams and structures that patriarchy and filial piety had erected, in order to make space for the new.
I can also see how my training took 14 months instead of 5 to complete because my ego had its nails clawed into those beams, terrified that if it let go, it would cease to have any power or control over. It knew that it would die. So surely it played a role in resisting this calling. But it'd be another 7 years before I was asked, "How are you prolonging your own suffering?" and I flashed back to these 14 months, able to see the correlation between my ego's resistance and the prolonging of my own suffering. Oh... doh.
Becoming a coach was never something I wanted. I didn't dream it, vision board it, pray for it, nor anything in the vicinity of it. I didn't ask for this! I never even knew it existed as a profession! I had everything I wanted in my previous career re-invention.
Never did I ever imagine that I'd end up investing $12,000 in CTI's coach training and certification programs, as well as its $15,000 leadership program. When the program adviser first jumped out at me, I had no clue the momentous grace that had hit me. By the time I signed up for the leadership program, I had every clue: I knew the exact moment grace infiltrated my consciousness. (Another story for another time ;) )
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I'll elaborate more in another story, but the highlights of the insights, gifts and lessons I gained through CTI were:
- What true belonging feels like
- Safety to cry away decades of pain
- Having my heart cracked so open that I fell in love... with me
- Seeing through loving my eyes my power, mastery, creativity, and endearing Self
- Discovering my gift to make people cry and/or laugh
- Being celebrated for my natural temperament of calm, zen, and playfulness
- Seeing that I am a seer and knowing that has tremendous worth
- Visiting my CTI tribemates in 20+ countries all over the world, like having insta-family!
Letting Go / Walking Away
This time, I didn't let it all go. Woohoo, this is new, unlike all previous "But I let it all go." (Though as I write this, I wouldn't be surprised if the Universe made me walk away. It seems to do whatever it wants, I don't really get a say in the big stuff.)
In a way, you could say I walked away, but not permanently. I walked away, knowing I'd circle back, but only after I figured out a business model that would work for me. I saw crystal clear, right through this career identity, that huge majority of coaches work on a dollar-for-hour model. If they stopped working, they stopped earning.
I also saw how unsustainable it was, basically guaranteeing burnout, to juggle all CEO, COO, CFO, CMO, CTO and CHRO hats as a solopreneur, no thank you! I didn't want to end up in those shoes, so I held off on building a coaching business, even if the Universe kept hounding me to do so and I had already invested $27,000 in training, not counting time, focus, energy, dedication, etc.
(Side note: I'd love to have a deep conversation with you about what it feels like to be hounded by the Universe. It's so unpleasant, so inconvenient, and yet... is there any way around it?)
Fears / Emotional Rumble
(I didn't think the fears and emotional rumble section could be any longer, deeper and more intricate than the last re-invention, but alas it is.)
- Reverse ageism: not being taken seriously because I was half the average age of a professional coach
- Not having any self-esteem, self-worth or confidence left to take myself seriously
- Mental tug of war between surrendering to this calling (so to make the Universe's hounding stop) vs. resisting the arduous uphill climb of completely starting over "from scratch" in an arena I know nothing about
- Frustration at gender inequality and pay gap of the coaching industry and of all industries
- Sting of non-belonging, exacerbated by the curse
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